in millions of ways and
I have loved you in each"
The new IOS8 update contains an app named Health which CANNOT BE DELETED.
The app allows you to choose which aspects of your health you choose to monitor, but available categories include “Body Measurements”, which includes body weight, and “Fitness”, which contains sections for…
When I was a kid I thought your 20s were supposed to be fun, not filled with perpetual anxiety about financial stability and constantly feeling like an unaccomplished piece of shit.
That’s because it was fun for baby boomers and they basically gave us this impression it would always be like that, but then they ruined the economy.
my mom is scREAMING downstairs right now about how there’s no chocolate.
“How can we NOT HAVE CHOCOLATE IN THIS HOUSE?”
“How is there NO CHOCOLATE???”
“DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT WE HAVE A WHALE HANGING FROM THE CEILING BUT THERE’S NO CHOCOLATE?”
My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
pizza spelt its own name wrong
So I had ordered a lion statuette for a Pride award but something went wrong somewhere down the line and when it arrived it had only the rear end of the lion.
It was a catastrophe.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE
im a bad person who thinks bad thoughts like ‘ew what is that girl wearing’ and then remember that im supposed to be positive about all things and then think ‘no she can wear what she wants, fuck what other people say damn girl u look fabulous’ and im just a teeny bit hypocritical tbh
I was always taught by my mother, That the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.
Miley: “Dad I have something for Tanners bug collection”
my uncle: “that’s great”
Miley: “it’s a bird”
my uncle: “no its not”
They let it go and it flew away just fine, so we’re wondering how she caught it.
she caught another bird.
update: she caught a squirrel today
She is gonna rule the world one day with this power
Disney princess in training.